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Transmen and dating

While many LGB people have educated themselves about sexual orientation, far fewer have put as much effort into understanding gender and the trans community.

This is not only a shame, but a loss and tragedy for our people. But then you mention that you are a trans man, and poof, they disappear. The problem is that you are trying to date people who can only love part of you, not all of you, and all of you is what you 100 percent deserve and can get. My first suggestion is to look beyond outlets for cis men who identify as gay.

A significantly less happy surprise came when I began dating someone coming out as trans and others declared I was no longer a lesbian.

“You’re bisexual now,” or “No, you’re just hetero-flexible,” or even the occasional, “Are you sure you’re even queer?

“If you date trans men, why don’t you just date, you know, a real man?

” This question has definitely gotten me worked into a hold-my-purse, ready-to-scrap, tizzy a few times.

” I really love doing hard things (pun intended), but demanding your partner’s gender identity be respected and supported when that very act calls your identity into question is the kind of hard-to-do that sometimes feels impossible.

I, like Jade Salazar mentions in her piece Loving Butch Women, can only speak based on my personal attraction.

Well, good for those people—most of us hate these emotionally and financially draining ordeals. Now add in our many identities: gender, race, religion, economic status, abilities, disabilities, and sexual orientation further complicate what is inherently a difficult process.

Straight, white, cis, able-bodied folks make endless movies, songs, and TV shows about the perils of finding someone who likes them, and they have every privilege going for them. So take comfort in the fact that you are completely justified in saying that this is no easy task.

We are more than an immutable adjective created by extremely privileged, long dead and buried white men.

We are living, breathing, loving, thinking, changing, people who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities.

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