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It might be something small but right there my world shattered and I realized I had been going about the dating thing all wrong because I had been trading advice with other Westerners instead of Koreans. Get a Korean best friend and when you start finding you’re interested in a guy or he’s interested in you, get him to have coffee with you and your girlfriend, she’ll use her 눈치 to help you figure out who’s sincere and who’s straight up playing games with your heart.
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Plus, Korean guys think it’s just so damn cute when you’re learning Korean and if they don’t, that’s also a red signal.
Also, my Korean teacher ended up being a great source of advice (for me and countless other students of hers) when it came to dating and she loved being involved in our lives. Studying Korean in Korea was one way for me to separate myself from the people who came to the country just to play around and have a good time and it was a way for me to connect myself to the culture.
It wasn’t easy and I never got super good at Korean, but I’ll never forget the praise I got from some of my Korean girlfriends one night when we were walking (to a bar?
Now, some of you don’t know me but I don’t dress provocatively. Yes it is harsh, but I find it’s also something that women in AMWF relationships on the blogosphere don’t write about enough.
When I moved to Korea, I read that showing cleavage and shoulders and all of that was a no no and so I didn’t do it. I come off as more cute than sexy, more stays-home-and-bakes-cookies than goes out to the club. It’s just that as a Western woman in Asia, you ARE a stereotype and you’re gonna have to fight that every step of the way if you want even an ounce of respect. When I came to Korea I was a bit ignorant and naive and honestly I was used to dating Asian Americans who’ve been taught to understand that no means no. In fact it’s common in Korea for girls to pretend that they don’t want sex even when they do want sex because Korean women are not always allowed to express their sexuality fully, at least not at first in a relationship (See previous link).