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An experience of sexual abuse can produce a particular mind-set, or frame of reference, where sex become viewed in unhelpful negative terms, rather than a positive energy that consenting adults can enjoy.
Up until the 1960s, a man’s role was very much that of provider, ensuring that the family had a roof over their heads and food on the table. Given that sexual abuse involves unwanted sexual contact or inappropriate exposure, sex and sexually intimate relationships can easily become a place where difficulties might appear.
Sometimes, men who have been sexually abused have been able to ‘do’ or ‘perform’ sex in a casual way in their teens or twenties.
However, this is not always the case for everyone 100% of the time.
In any sexual relationship, each partner will need to work out what is sensual, playful, sensitive, joyful and fulfilling for them.
So when he finally told me about the abuse I was totally knocked over! I had sometimes thought that maybe something might have happened to him.
Whilst, I felt so sad for him, it was a relief to know.” Disentangling what might be impacting on shared pleasure in sexual intimacy can be tricky.
If the sexual assault has occurred within an emotionally intimate relationship, for example with a trusted adult, then it makes sense that when sex and intimacy come together later in life alarm bells can sound.
An experience of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault can impact on sexual relationships in the following ways: Most men are raised to believe that physical sexual arousal can only occur when there is sexual desire.
The difficulties are often identified later, when engaging in sex within the context of a loving relationship.
For some men, the experience of sexual assault can at times “play itself out” in the area of sex and intimacy.