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Every light is the home of a family living in malevolent poverty; they blink back accusingly at the skyscrapers of the banks and multinationals that rise from the ground. [Longer, itchier silence] Me: What food do you like? After noting down the numbers of the first 10 or 15, you run out of attractive ones. Her chin has the unfortunate appearance of ending around two inches in front her nose. ” “That won’t be a problem.” By now, Laura’s leaning towards me, her elbows on the arm of her chair. “I’d be willing to move anywhere except Panama, Ecuador or Cuba.” “But I live on the other side of the world.” “I’d move anywhere if it’s love.” There’s a gap of two hours between Laura’s departure and tonight’s main event: a dinner in a restaurant with five of my selections. Every girl he meets, he says, ‘I have finally found you.
To our left, the airport road rises diagonally up the hillside, a massive slash bleeding gold from the dark earth. What happens then you start feeling a bit sorry for some of the candidates. She says she’s been with the agency for five years and has never been picked before. She’s staring at me intensely with her violently painted face. As today’s translator’s been booked for the whole day and her clock is still running, I ask her to take me “somewhere brilliant in Medellin”. Every girl he meets he asks, ‘I am a sexual addict.
Neither Juan nor the agency know that I’m here as a journalist, trying to find out what draws thousands of men from all over the world to meet potential wives. (In discussing our often faulty perception of the values of foreign women, it points to the marvelous irony that the government in Thailand has been forced to introduce legislation to limit brides being imported due to the firm belief by local men that Thai women “expect too much from their husbands.”). Juan translates my confirmation of her cuteness for Yvonne and she smiles strangely and looks out of her window. I imagined plastic stilettos, make-up like a Warhol pastiche and unsubtle enquiries about the size of my house. We drive to a restaurant in Pueblito Paisa, a tiny reconstruction of a traditional Colombian town that’s been built on top of a high rocky pinnacle. “The agency had three engagements just this month.” She looks at her watch. His appearance is notable chiefly for the numerous ways in which it manages to be round: he’s by no means obese, and yet has a circular head and cheeks like he’s carrying two peach-halves in his mouth. The three women around me chatter, obliviously, in Spanish. “The thing you gotta watch with Incas is they’re always half an hour late. He chews his meat sullenly, his eyes dragging in desultory fashion over our guests. “I want someone who’s as friendly as this one, as pretty as that one and with the brains of that one. Like, if she’s a lawyer, that would be okay because I could probably talk about that for the rest of my life.
The husbands, meanwhile, are furious about the legislation; campaigners insist it “creates a legal presumption that American men are abusers and foreign women are stupid… As I’m ironing my trousers in preparation for my first date, the phone keeps ringing. I find my first potential wife in the backseat of Juan’s car. She takes videos of their indiscretions and charges by the hour. She works there, she tells us, testing psychiatric medication on schizophrenics and people with “narcotic psychosis”. He lived in the basement of his parents house, had red hair and a high pitched voice and said God told him to come to Colombia to find a wife. Dante has paid the agency for a two month tour and he tells me he’s planning on living in Medellin for the rest of the year.
She’s attractive, in a thin white cotton top and light blue jeans. She lives with her parents and her father owns a car park. But that’s not the thing that’s most remarkable about Laura. “I was given some good advice before I came here,” he tells me sternly over the dinner table.
Loneliness is probably the hardest and most painful problem of the humanity.
This problem doesn’t know the borders; all the nations and cultures experience it the same way.
You fall in love, you have fun for a few years and then you get bored.” We pull up at a traffic light.
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As for the motivations of the potential wives, the report’s authors sagely conclude, “We cannot know what is in a woman’s mind.” In response to their being three murders of foreign brides in their country between 19, the US government introduced the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act [IMBRA] in 2005 which, in part, enforced disclosure of criminal or violent history in the wife-hunters. Most of all, we believe in love.” After dropping into the agency office to sign a document permitting the agency to check my name against a collection of registers for IMBRA purposes, Juan delivers me to the apartment in which I’ll be spending the next three nights. Every time she calls I tell her I don’t speak Spanish, at which point her shouting takes on a sarcastic, hectoring quality. They’re like Shakespearian witches, wailing bad portent. Via his translation, I discover that Yvonne is a private detective who follows men whose partners suspect them of adultery. The monotony is only broken by the day’s final candidate, who arrives, blushing and grinning, direct from the lunatic asylum. This has enabled him to devote his life to his international hunt for a romantic companion.
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