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I wrote a whole 280-page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one.At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person.So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1,000 times worse once they're tossed from the warm womb of their alma mater. For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Be "well-rounded." Well, you're a talented little bugger. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement.
It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results).
Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.
The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student.
Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.
By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.
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Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking.
So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.
Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother (or sister).
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex. You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success.
Part of the issue is this: When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. Here's an incontrovertible fact: Every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm. E., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you, .