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But in this shallow pool in which I swim, hooking that man is like asking for a free trip to the moon in Richard Branson's Virgin Galatica space shuttle. A month after screaming "I give up", I met an AB through a friend of a friend.He's smart, kind, funny, active, successful and he brings a sense of familiarity, he's not from an alien world. Jill Goldson, counsellor and family mediator, sees plenty of women who find it hard to find the right partner. Photograph: Supplied"I see a lot of people, particularly women, who are struggling to meet someone special. When women are in their 30s and 40s, busy raising children and with their careers, they often don't have time to survey the men out there.

He talked all night about his diet, and his low body fat ratio. The condoms were at close reach, and he only had two pillows on his bed – a flat, dusty one, and a fat, comfortable one. One of my girlfriends has her own business and two houses. When I emailed Elite Singles to complain, its PR lady offered to put me in touch with its product team, saying my feedback would be taken into account as the algorithim was being constantly refined.

"Our matchmaking system is not a one-dimensional platform designed to match one career to another," she wrote.

Having spent a few dismal years searching for an intelligent, successful man in the 40-plus dating scene, Stella Smith is ready to give up on romance and go it alone. I'm hungover and desperate for a piece of toast with jam. Though I behave like a hunter and gatherer in all other areas of my life, maybe I should slam on the brakes when I'm keen on someone, lest he flee into his man cave.

But I've just spent the night with a paleo, who doesn't have a single slice of bread in his house, let alone a toaster. He spies a pretty woman who is also a decade younger. A recent study suggested it takes 37 dates to meet the right person, and you shouldn't despair until you've met Number 37.

Mr AB brings me flowers and I am glowing with excitement. I wouldn't say that women are more fussy – more that they are discriminating, and why shouldn't they be?

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However, rather than issues of wealth or education, it is probably wise to be discriminating about things that matter most to you on a heart level.And some are so afraid of being hurt or damaged again, they'll keep a new woman at arm's length.In contrast, women will often go off to close women friends and talk things through after the end of a relationship.CHECK YOUR CHECKLISTIt's important to learn to be a bit flexible with your checklist. Just because someone hasn't gone off to university, doesn't mean they're not intelligent.Sometimes we create barriers and make assumptions without looking beyond certain facts."Instead, it is complex and uses a number of inputs, including our members' personalities, their academic and professional backgrounds, and personal search criteria to deliver matches."My next message via Elite came from an overweight plumber snapped in a black rugby singlet while sipping a pina colada. Recently I met a female friend (40-something, smart, gorgeous, single) and the man drought came up.She said she'd given up, hadn't been on a date for some time.BE KINDI find that single men are often far more vulnerable to feeling they are being judged than women are.They can also feel quite threatened by smart women who have achieved a lot.We drank wine in a student bar, our chat drowned out by a bad singer plucking a guitar. According to his online profile, he was a professional who had published a book. A few years younger than me, he had a full head of hair and twinkling blue eyes. With a head office in Germany, the online dating site promises that 91 per cent of its candidates have a university degree. An unemployed smoker with a rat's tail, a cowboy hat and a leather waistcoat sent me a smile, asking if we could chat. Despite the gains we have made in all other areas, are we supposed to lie back and wait for men to come to us, to send the first text, to initiate the next move?

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