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Break pattern of dating controlling men
Emotional blackmail is a term coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.
Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate from the controlling behavior of another person, and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.
The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs to help disorientate them.
Donald Dutton and Susan Golant agree that Walker's cycle of abuse accurately describes all cyclically abusive relationships they studied.
Nonetheless, they also note that her initial research was based almost entirely on anecdotal data from a rather small set of women who were in violent relationships.
Similarly, Dutton (1994) writes, "The prevalence of violence in homosexual relationships, which also appear to go through abuse cycles is hard to explain in terms of men dominating women." The cycle of abuse concept is widely used in domestic violence programs, particularly in the United States.
Critics have argued the theory is flawed as it does not apply as universally as Walker suggested, does not accurately or completely describe all abusive relationships, and may favor ideological presumptions over empirical data.
The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible.
Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do their best to change.The release of energy reduces the tension, and the abuser may feel or express that the victim "had it coming" to them.The perpetrator may begin to feel remorse, guilty feelings, or fear that their partner will leave or call the police.Initially, Walker proposed that the cycle of abuse described the controlling patriarchal behavior of men who felt entitled to abuse their wives to maintain control over them.Her terms "the battering cycle" and "battered woman syndrome" has since been largely eclipsed by "cycle of abuse" and "battered person syndrome", respectively, for many reasons: to maintain objectivity; because the cycle of abuse doesn't always lead to physical abuse; because symptoms of the syndrome have been observed in men and women, and are not confined to marriage and dating.During this phase (which is often considered an element of the honeymoon/reconciliation phase), the relationship is relatively calm and peaceable.During this period the abuser may agree to engage in counseling, ask for forgiveness, and create a normal atmosphere.During this stage the abuser attempts to dominate their partner (survivor) with the use of domestic violence.In intimate partner violence, children are negatively affected by having witnessed the violence and the partner's relationship degrades as well.During this stage the abuser may feel or claim to feel overwhelming remorse and sadness.Some abusers walk away from the situation with little comment, but most will eventually shower the survivor with love and affection.